Yes. I do. Today is a cheat day I made banana bread and apple crumble for work last night and had a piece of each. I also had a fish filet sandwich from The One That Got Away which I counted as 10 points. I have no idea what to eat for dinner. I want junk because I didn’t eat great today but that is all the reason I need not to. Salad won’t do it. All I know is that I had the opportunity to pick up a bag of cool ranch Doritos and I didn’t. That in itself is progress.
I have been so good all week! I will stay strong! ūüôā

Blog soon,


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Chocolate Chip Cookies & Ryan Gosling Shirtless…

…are pretty much the same thing if we are talking deliciousness factor.

I love you so much chocolate chip cookies.  You taste so damn good!  I love you almost as much as Ryan Gosling, although I have never tasted Ryan Gosling, the dreams do seem pretty realistic though. If it means giving you up to get Ryan Gosling one day because I am as sickly hot as Eva Mendes, then I guess I have no choice but to say farewell old friend.

ryan goslingf

Day 2.

Blog Soon,


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Motivation #3: Sexy People Hate Fat People

Greetings Old Friends,

Thanksgiving is truly a magical time of year for me.  The cool crisp air, the orange hue of the sun, the colourful trees and falling leaves Рall of it is just perfection in my eyes.  This is the time we remind ourselves of how thankful we should all be for all we are so lucky to have.

This time of year, Thanksgiving also reminds me how important turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy are in my life….so much so that I am literally still feeling the effects of my turkey / stuffing / mashed potato / gravy coma of gluttony. ¬†I swear, I hosted Thanksgiving for sixteen people on Friday night and Couldn’t. Stop. Eating. leftovers until last night. ¬†I told myself ¬†(for the 100th time) I CAN’T do this anymore and by “do this” I mean eat like an animal preparing for hibernation.

You may or may not have noticed that I haven’t written here (or anywhere) even once this year. ¬†Last time I posted (where I wrote it, not just 2012 stats) was November 2012 so 11 months ago. ¬†Most likely you don’t care since you all have very important & fabulous lives to think about, but I have started to care and I guess I am the one person that needs to…to ensure success anyway. ¬†I have started this blog up again in an attempt to help keep motivated and accountable.

I’ve now gained back the full 30lbs that I lost last year. ¬†This is old news, since the new news is today is a new day.

I have been searching for motivation which has seemed impossible and it has now clicked – feeling like shit everyday about where I am is not where I want to be. ¬†My first motivation is to look fab in pictures. ¬†Yes, I am that vain and if that’s what works for now, then so be it. ¬†My second motivation is to not be the fat girl anymore..generally, noone actually likes fat people, unless you are fat yourself. ¬†You may be shocked at my bluntness, but it is true. ¬†Think about it and admit it. ¬†I refuse to ignore that little fact anymore and I would rather be disliked and envied for being gorgeous, hot and sexy with an amazing personality than fat and ugly. Besides, my goal is to finish my children’s book and I want to look hot at my book tour to ensure a movie / television & product deal. ¬†The third motivation is Michael Kors Fall boots….sigh….screw these thick calves ’cause I am DONE with them. ¬†The fourth motivation? ONEderland. ¬†I need to get back in the 100’s, bottom line. Of course there are more motivating factors here, but you will learn them as I go.

This is Day 1 Version 5.0.  I have started Weight Watchers today.

Blog Soon, PFF

p.s. I have started an Instagram account since a picture can speak 1000 words (or a 1000 pounds, depending on how you pose and filter) so if you want to follow me there as well, go ahead: phattofittofab


October 15, 2013 · 1:51 PM

2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 3,300 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 6 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

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A Loss is a Loss

Down two pounds….I didn’t do the greatest this weekend with some baked brie¬†and chinese food¬†at book club¬†on Friday night¬†and on Sunday baked french toast, mini quiche and goat’s cheese at brunch¬†– but all good…a loss is a loss.

Blog Soon, PFF

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The 2pm, 3pm and 4pm Itch…

This is day 2 of restarting WW. I do so well in the first part of the day when I start a new program. To be honest, I feel like I’m a detoxing crack addict wanting my fix at around 2pm, 3pm and 4pm. I didn’t give in today or yesterday but all I wanted from 2pm onward was about 12 Big Macs, 2 cheeseburgers, a kit kat bar and come home to some glorious poutine. An itch that i just couldn’t scratch. I didn’t but I wish thinking about it wasn’t so tempting. I feel dirty. These impure thoughts about food. Better to think it than do it I guess. I ate 23 almonds for 5 points instead.

If I keep telling myself its the sugar talking and not my hunger, I’ll be good. My body is addicted to sugar right now. This is hard, I’ll tell you that. I know it will get easier and more motivating as I move forward and feel better in my skin again. I was driving home tonight and thinking of how easy it would be to eat anything and not care about the ramifications of my actions. Fuck it! I could say. Food provides comfort. An indescribable comfort. Now, I’m too comfortable! There is a point that I just have to stop talking about losing weight and do it. Im doing it now, again. One day and one point at a time. I do want to succeed, believe me. This seems like it isn’t possible but so man people before me have. I look at Jennifer Hudson and think wow, she looks fab in clothes and shoes and she got there…I can too.

I’m glad I’m tying again to so at least I can’t beat myself up another day like I have nightly and daily for the past one and a half months. Plus, I have broken a pattern here! Usually the turnaround time is way longer from stopping and starting again. This time it was less than two months and didn’t gain it all back plus some so that is a serious positive.

I ate a salad for lunch which was delicious. I had Pc blue menu chicken strips for dinner which were 8 points and I still have 8 left for the day!

Can’t wait to make it through the week and weigh in on Monday. I cant wait to be 3 weeks down. It’s funny, although I was focused on the number on the scale and the way my clothes felt – it is funny how I still felt like I looked the same. I look at pics and can see it in my face…drastically different. A confession? What drove me to join WW again on Sunday was because I saw I picture of my face from brunch on Saturday and realized I can’t do this to myself again. I will be normal and look normal again…..Hopefully way Better than ever before and stay there.

Blog soon,

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Extra Extra Read All About It – PFF has Officially Re-Joined Weight Watchers!

I refuse to give up.¬† I have been so off track that I haven’t watched what I have eaten in months…which means you guessed it, weight gain.¬† I stopped going to Bootcamp in October.¬†¬†Thankfully I haven’t gained all of the weight back, but enough to make me face the scale this morning and although not pretty, I am not letting this get the best of me.¬† I will not let my out of control binge eating¬†cause me to become a hermit or even worse, dead in 10 years (or earlier) due to heart disease.¬† Yes, I am getting close to an age where that is a real possibility.

As per usual, I have had the best of intentions to try My Fitness Pal (which is a great App but just not for me) or do it on my own because “I know what I am doing and will just start again” well clearly, I do not.¬† I need structure, I need to track – I need to keep myself aware of what I am putting in my mouth and continue to move my body.¬† I need to start packing my lunch again and counting my points like a good Weight Watcher member should.¬† I even need the reinforcement from¬†those who were sometimes harsh, somewhat critical but most importantly, always honest with me and wanted me to do better for myself.¬† YES, I CAN.¬† It is funny, it’s almost like a juggling act in a way.¬† I am managing other things much better than I was, things are going well but this ball has been dropped.¬† This is just picking up that ball and adding it to the mix – when this is conquered, I will be much better off.

So, starting tomorrow to track¬†– I like the clean start of a Monday weigh-in.¬† It is another fresh start – I have no doubt I will do this.¬† I was diligent before, I will stay focused and I will get to where I want to be…Fabulous!

I know I did amazing the first four months but in July I stopped tracking which was equal to putting 2 10lb potato sacks on my ass and walking around with them.  I bought a 6 month membership on Weight Watchers and I will do this.  I am my own worst enemy when it comes to this whole weight gain / weight loss cycle I find myself in Рbesides I have a very important wedding in April to attend, a trip to Miami to look forward to so this is the perfect time to get myself back together.

The holidays are creeping up on us, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still lose weight and treat myself to some turkey when the time comes or perhaps a chocolate – it is all about being accountable to myself and I will do this!

There are positives to all of this:

1. Fresh Start at a lesser weight then when I started in February, meaning nicer numbers on the scale

2. 6 month minimum commitment¬†– I will easily reach ONE-derland in this time frame…well if it was easy I would have done it already but the possibility is¬†much more realistic.¬† 6 months is also good to make these positive choices a habit!

3. The first week pound drop kick off when starting a new program (well in this case a previously used program) which will keep me motivated in the beginning and hopefully throughout.

4. Fruits and Vegetables are free points!!!!

5. Once I reach where I need to be, I can finally focus on something else – this goal and body image / body issues that have taken so much of my mind’s thoughts & feelings for so long…it will be nice to not have this looming and such a focus – and I will be able to entertain you in other weighs – lol get it? ways..God I am funny.

6. I will look fantastic in pics….if that is not a motivator, I don’t know what is.

7. Healthy, Healthy, Healthy!!!

8. Three words: Bringing Sexy Back

9. I can finally do this:

I will do this.

So in saying all of this – no Starbucks cookies, no Big Mac Daddy, no chocolate, no fast food and certainly no more binge eating.¬† I am a broken record, I realize this – but the most important thing is like I learned in Grade 8 after falling on stage during a¬†lip syncing¬†contest (New Kid’s Cover Girl if you weren’t there to witness it yourself) you have to get back up and finish what you start no matter how embarrassing, difficult or impossible it may seem.¬† So this is me, finishing what I started.

Blog VERY Soon,



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