Monthly Archives: November 2012

A Loss is a Loss

Down two pounds….I didn’t do the greatest this weekend with some baked brie and chinese food at book club on Friday night and on Sunday baked french toast, mini quiche and goat’s cheese at brunch – but all good…a loss is a loss.

Blog Soon, PFF

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The 2pm, 3pm and 4pm Itch…

This is day 2 of restarting WW. I do so well in the first part of the day when I start a new program. To be honest, I feel like I’m a detoxing crack addict wanting my fix at around 2pm, 3pm and 4pm. I didn’t give in today or yesterday but all I wanted from 2pm onward was about 12 Big Macs, 2 cheeseburgers, a kit kat bar and come home to some glorious poutine. An itch that i just couldn’t scratch. I didn’t but I wish thinking about it wasn’t so tempting. I feel dirty. These impure thoughts about food. Better to think it than do it I guess. I ate 23 almonds for 5 points instead.

If I keep telling myself its the sugar talking and not my hunger, I’ll be good. My body is addicted to sugar right now. This is hard, I’ll tell you that. I know it will get easier and more motivating as I move forward and feel better in my skin again. I was driving home tonight and thinking of how easy it would be to eat anything and not care about the ramifications of my actions. Fuck it! I could say. Food provides comfort. An indescribable comfort. Now, I’m too comfortable! There is a point that I just have to stop talking about losing weight and do it. Im doing it now, again. One day and one point at a time. I do want to succeed, believe me. This seems like it isn’t possible but so man people before me have. I look at Jennifer Hudson and think wow, she looks fab in clothes and shoes and she got there…I can too.

I’m glad I’m tying again to so at least I can’t beat myself up another day like I have nightly and daily for the past one and a half months. Plus, I have broken a pattern here! Usually the turnaround time is way longer from stopping and starting again. This time it was less than two months and didn’t gain it all back plus some so that is a serious positive.

I ate a salad for lunch which was delicious. I had Pc blue menu chicken strips for dinner which were 8 points and I still have 8 left for the day!

Can’t wait to make it through the week and weigh in on Monday. I cant wait to be 3 weeks down. It’s funny, although I was focused on the number on the scale and the way my clothes felt – it is funny how I still felt like I looked the same. I look at pics and can see it in my face…drastically different. A confession? What drove me to join WW again on Sunday was because I saw I picture of my face from brunch on Saturday and realized I can’t do this to myself again. I will be normal and look normal again…..Hopefully way Better than ever before and stay there.

Blog soon,
PFF

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Extra Extra Read All About It – PFF has Officially Re-Joined Weight Watchers!

I refuse to give up.  I have been so off track that I haven’t watched what I have eaten in months…which means you guessed it, weight gain.  I stopped going to Bootcamp in October.  Thankfully I haven’t gained all of the weight back, but enough to make me face the scale this morning and although not pretty, I am not letting this get the best of me.  I will not let my out of control binge eating cause me to become a hermit or even worse, dead in 10 years (or earlier) due to heart disease.  Yes, I am getting close to an age where that is a real possibility.

As per usual, I have had the best of intentions to try My Fitness Pal (which is a great App but just not for me) or do it on my own because “I know what I am doing and will just start again” well clearly, I do not.  I need structure, I need to track – I need to keep myself aware of what I am putting in my mouth and continue to move my body.  I need to start packing my lunch again and counting my points like a good Weight Watcher member should.  I even need the reinforcement from those who were sometimes harsh, somewhat critical but most importantly, always honest with me and wanted me to do better for myself.  YES, I CAN.  It is funny, it’s almost like a juggling act in a way.  I am managing other things much better than I was, things are going well but this ball has been dropped.  This is just picking up that ball and adding it to the mix – when this is conquered, I will be much better off.

So, starting tomorrow to track – I like the clean start of a Monday weigh-in.  It is another fresh start – I have no doubt I will do this.  I was diligent before, I will stay focused and I will get to where I want to be…Fabulous!

I know I did amazing the first four months but in July I stopped tracking which was equal to putting 2 10lb potato sacks on my ass and walking around with them.  I bought a 6 month membership on Weight Watchers and I will do this.  I am my own worst enemy when it comes to this whole weight gain / weight loss cycle I find myself in – besides I have a very important wedding in April to attend, a trip to Miami to look forward to so this is the perfect time to get myself back together.

The holidays are creeping up on us, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still lose weight and treat myself to some turkey when the time comes or perhaps a chocolate – it is all about being accountable to myself and I will do this!

There are positives to all of this:

1. Fresh Start at a lesser weight then when I started in February, meaning nicer numbers on the scale

2. 6 month minimum commitment – I will easily reach ONE-derland in this time frame…well if it was easy I would have done it already but the possibility is much more realistic.  6 months is also good to make these positive choices a habit!

3. The first week pound drop kick off when starting a new program (well in this case a previously used program) which will keep me motivated in the beginning and hopefully throughout.

4. Fruits and Vegetables are free points!!!!

5. Once I reach where I need to be, I can finally focus on something else – this goal and body image / body issues that have taken so much of my mind’s thoughts & feelings for so long…it will be nice to not have this looming and such a focus – and I will be able to entertain you in other weighs – lol get it? ways..God I am funny.

6. I will look fantastic in pics….if that is not a motivator, I don’t know what is.

7. Healthy, Healthy, Healthy!!!

8. Three words: Bringing Sexy Back

9. I can finally do this:

I will do this.

So in saying all of this – no Starbucks cookies, no Big Mac Daddy, no chocolate, no fast food and certainly no more binge eating.  I am a broken record, I realize this – but the most important thing is like I learned in Grade 8 after falling on stage during a lip syncing contest (New Kid’s Cover Girl if you weren’t there to witness it yourself) you have to get back up and finish what you start no matter how embarrassing, difficult or impossible it may seem.  So this is me, finishing what I started.

Blog VERY Soon,

PFF

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