Well, to say I have gone a bit off track would be accurate hence the lag in posts as of late – but not crazy enough where I have given up completely – which is a good sign. Here are a few updates on what is happening:
1. Bootcamp Bitches aren’t bitches at all actually. I missed a class last week and found out they were generally concerned about why I wasn’t at class and shared with my Bootcamp Partner in Crime that I was doing so well that I couldn’t give up. The only Bootcamp Bitch is me thinking that they were – perhaps they genuinely thought they were being funny about the MTV host and supportive of our trainer which I still don’t necessarily agree with but at the end of the day everyone says things that not everyone likes, right? You can’t please everyone but you can accept people aren’t perfect and the former BB’s are actually quite sweet girls.
2. LOVE Your Rack & Check Your Breasts! Follow up – today is the day of my ultrasound to see if my 6mm mass has grown in my left breast…so think positive thoughts and let’s hope that it has remained the same size…if it hasn’t, then I will deal with it then cause really, what can I do? Imagining the worst possible outcome wont get me any further, and wont change the inevitable so all I can do is Let go, and Let God. Thank you Oprah…as scared as I am at the present moment, I certainly will not cry. I am strong and can face anything….and will get through this like anything else….adversity! Ps. If you haven’t gone to check your own breasts, please do.
3. The weight loss goals that I posted a few posts ago have gone awry but I refuse to give up. I deserve to be healthy and look fabulous so even though I was in tears in bootcamp last night – I was there. I showed up. I wasn’t on my couch eating poutine. I will be there tomorrow and the class after that. I will do what I need to do at my own pace to make it happen. Sure, a 6 week delay or plateau…I will get past it to the other side as I have come this far….right? Right.
This battle is continuous, everlasting but slow and steady really does win the race. Focus is key. Through the tears last night where every single ounce of me wanted to give up, I didn’t. The tears literally fell onto my pink yoga mat while doing mountain climbers. I cried because I wanted to give up, I cried because I felt so weak to my cravings, I cried for my mistakes, I cried for my failed expectations of where I should be right now (190lbs) and I cried because I wanted to give up and I couldn’t. I cried because right then and there I wanted to collapse. I pictured myself walking out in the middle of class, just leaving it behind and not facing it again because that would be so easy and make me feel better, but I stayed. I was silent and barely spoke two words to anyone. I got through it and finished so that is one thing I can for sure be proud of.
Regardless of what happens today, I will be ok no matter what. I have been listening to Whitney steady for the last few days so I feel strong enough to face anything. 🙂