Monthly Archives: June 2012

29.5 lbs down!

Yes! I’ve been staying in and around the same number for a few weeks now and weighed myself this am and I am down 29.5!

Thank goodness. Feels much better to know I didn’t totally screw up! I will have thin crust pizza for my birthday dinner at Dimmi this weekend and some wine and most likely a couple of cupcakes (not at the same time).

I assure you all, I will not over indulge!

Blog soon,
PFF

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Bootcamp…oh boy!

So after the poutine I ate for dinner last night (yes, I went there) I woke up this morning to face my scale and see the damage I had done with NYC and the past couple of weeks of not really recording diligently. To be honest, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be but obviously not where I want to be. I gained 1.5lbs. A minor set back, plus today I was back on track…oatmeal for breakfast, a salad for lunch and chicken strips for dinner. Not too bad considering I feel like I am detoxing.

I heard from two people yesterday that surprised me. One told me she has started reading my blog and was inspired with my post about getting back into the 1’s and has no started her own journey. It still really shocks me when someone tells me that I have inspired them as it makes me feel so great inside and makes me want to do better and keep going. That and someone amazing told me to keep it up so I can be as fabulous in the outside as I am on the inside. You guys are great! Truly.

So today I learned of a BootCamp that runs twice a week that I am eligible for a discount with through my amazing place of work. Two 1 hour classes a week, outside, for one month costs $80! As someone who has never joined a BootCamp before, this is quite exciting and nerve rattling at the same time. The greatest thing is that my fabulous co-worker is joining with me! So every Monday and Wednesday evening between 6:30pm and 7:30pm we will be on the verge of dying, but in a really, really good way. I was honest with the trainer when I spoke with him, I told him I don’t want him to be mean and yell at me and he told me he is persuasive but he won’t yell. Who knows, maybe yelling will help me? I will wait to see.

So the first class is a week from today. ūüôā I hope it helps me want to continue to stay on track and stay focused even more as right now I need it. Plus I need to really get on track with the exercise portion and perhaps this program will launch me to join for August and by August 28th (my 6 month checkpoint) I will be closer to 50lbs.

Blog soon,
PFF

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

At The Fork Again…

So I am not on track. I ate a twix bar today, two pieces of toast with jam and one scoop of ice cream.¬† I need to get back on track but old habits are creeping back.¬† Oh, and two lemon cupcakes with strawberry icing.¬†¬†Yes,¬†two.¬† I went to NYC this past weekend and I am avoiding the scale.¬† I didn’t weigh myself yesterday morning or this morning.¬† I don’t want to go down this road again, I want to make the right choices, I want to look better and feel better – it seems that I find myself craving a small cheese pizza right now or poutine from downstairs.¬† This is not good people.¬† I have come so far, why do I insist on self sabotage? I don’t want to ruin a good thing – I can finally feel I look a little different in pictures….my clothes feel different – I really don’t want to but sub-consciously I feel “who cares?” and “how different are you really going to be?” and the ever wonderful “it is just a little poutine”.¬† I hate that I think this way but I am unsure how to set my mind right.¬†

I am not exercising and although I ordered an amazing cobb salad at the Four Seasons and ate fruit in the morning as opposed to pastries at the continental breakfast at the Library Hotel plus I walked a lot over the city…it isn’t like I over indulged over and over again..not even close really.¬†

I just want to share that as I write this I really, really, really want pizza.¬† I want poutine so badly as well and I know I shouldn’t but these feelings are overwhelming.¬† You may laugh and think I am joking, I am doing my best not to walk downstairs and get them…I need to clean my apartment as it looks like a Hoarder-in-Training lives here so I need to Get It Together, tidy up and try to keep my mind occupied on the end result (wondering if I truly can get there) as opposed to how good those cheese curds and delicious gravy….or gooey cheese with pepperoni on pizza.

I need a walking / running buddy or someone to help motivate me.  I feel so desperate right now and self motivation is at an all time low right now.  Now my mind is back to poutine.

Blog Soon,

PFF

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Down 29….basically 30

Well I weighed myself after I ate a bagel and half a wrap with chicken for dinner tonight. Down 29lbs officially. Last week was rough, ate off track although I seemed to start everyday on the right foot. Regardless, guaranteed if I weighed myself this afternoon before eating carbs it would show 30lbs.

I am very happy with 29 being the official number I just don’t think I will make my first goal of June 21 which kind of sucks. All I need to do is forgive myself and stay on track. Almost 30lbs is quite an accomplishment and I can’t wait to lose 12 more to be back in the 1’s.

On a side note, I am never drinking again. Vomiting for 12 hours straight is not something I ever want to experience again and I really am thankful for my regular health. Again, I owe this weight loss to my body after all I have put it through over the past 35 almost 36 years. Plus with no wine, no wasted 7 points or more on liquid…I can save up for another date with Big Mac Daddy.

I will do this and I refuse to give up when I have come so far.

Blog soon, PFF

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Triscuit Whore.

Yes you read correctly. Today? I am a triscuit whore. I ate an entire box of triscuits. Just now. Well over the past hour. What is happening to me? Oh and I ate Laughing Cow triangles with them. The last three days have started off so well but ended in tragedy. Did Shakespeare ever write a sonnet or a play about this? Ode to a cracker? I can no longer buy triscuits and have them in my house. Maybe it is because I am pmsing…..I always go a little crazy this time of the month but nothing like the past three days. Out of control. This can’t be me. I need to forgive myself and continue on the right path tomorrow and the next day. I also find having proper and fresh groceries in the house makes a big difference.

Perhaps it is because I filmed for that show on OWN on Friday and talked about my past. Relived it almost by giving the past fuel to the fire that burns inside of me, quietly, always there but completely undeserving of my attention. Maybe that final time I wanted to put it to rest for the last time was too much to bear. Maybe I am recovering and eating those feeling because that’s where the addiction to food began and where it gave me the most comfort…healing me through it so many years ago

I need to continue on the right path that I have been on since February 27th. I can’t screw it all up because I’m not strong enough. I’m going for a 12 km right now to make myself pay for what I just did to it. I could throw it all up and pretend it didn’t happen. That would be irresponsible.

Alright, now you are fully aware of how disgusting I am. A whole box of triscuits. The black pepper and olive oil ones. I feel sick and my stomach hurts. Why do I do this??? I have no self control this week and it needs to stop.

Blog soon,
PFF
Or aka PIG.

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Holy Cow!…Pardon The Pun!

Happy Friday Everyone!!!!
I just weighed myself and I must say I am very happy with what the scale said to me! As of today, unofficially I am exactly 29lbs down!!!! When I film my segment today for that documentary series I mentioned a while back…I am at my lightest I can possibly be so when it airs in September I hope to look back and not recognize the person on the screen. Great way to kick off my long weekend, that’s for sure.

Blog soon,
PFF

Ps. Can I just say how fricken nervous I am? Yikes!

2 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Setting Some Goals…

I have to say I can’t believe that I can honestly say that I have lost officially 27lbs as of yesterday.I do feel better, the only thing is I don’t feel that I look that different.¬† I feel 240 still and noone can notice a real difference. It would be dishonest to say that I don’t get¬†motivation when people say¬†they notice something different¬†– it helps to know that all this hard work is making a difference…it is just so hard sometimes looking at my reflection and seeing¬†such a minimal¬†change.¬† The number on the scale is going down thankfully and that is my only proof of change, and maybe it is just in my head that I look how I always have.¬† I don’t feel that different just yet.¬†¬†Someone asked me to post a picture, and I had to say that I don’t feel that different just yet at 27lbs, but at 35lbs I will post one.¬† To be honest, I just really am scared that if I post a pic, everyone will see what I see…not that much of a difference.¬†
I will keep with it of course, my ultimate goal for all of this is to lose 75lbs and be happier and healthier than where I was headed three months ago. If I make it to 50, which I am more than halfway already, I will be really happy and satisfied and¬†will have to see a difference for sure. I will be even happier at 55 or 60 but one day, one meal, one point and one pound¬†at a time. The one thing I can say is that this is the longest I have stuck to any program….3 months is usually my threshold so I am in month 4 and still at it. I am not tracking every item of food on the weekends – but still watching and self aware of what I am eating…a little more lax than what I started off with. The key for me is to be accountable and WW definitely does that and noone other than me can do it.27lbs gone. When you are as big as I was when I started, I guess I can’t expect it to make a huge difference..the more you weigh the longer it takes to look changed maybe. If I started at 200 and went to 173 – that would be much more noticable for sure right?¬†I figured with this plan, I could follow¬†some strutured goals to keep me on track…so I have come up with some dates and some weight goals to keep myself motivated:

 
Goal 1: June 21…New York…208lbs
Goal 2: July 1, 2012…my 36th birthday I want to look and feel great.¬†204lbs
Goal 3: August 1, 2012…no special date…196lbs (BACK IN THE 1’s!!!!!!)
Goal 4:¬†August 28,¬†2012….190lbs Original Goal date (which will be 50lbs lost so far and will be able to see a difference!)
Goal 5: September 28, 2012…182lbs….fall my favourite season buy some new clothes
Goal 6: October 13, 2012….attending a wedding…178lbs
Goal 7: November 15, 2012…almost a month until Christmas…170lbs
Goal 8: December 24, 2012…Christmas Eve 165lbs (75lbs total loss!)
 
Wow…It looks like I can get to where I want to be, realistically by Christmas!¬† I like cutting it into smaller goals – only 8 goals to reach by Christmas…doesn’t sound too impossible to me.
All I know is that in 14 more lbs I will be in the 1’s again….that will be a milestone and a time to celebrate for sure!Blog Soon,
PFF

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized