Change is good, isn’t that what they always say? People are afraid of change but I am not. At the age of 35, I am trying make change and 2012 is my year to focus on it. I am making strides towards a better me. I will be the first to admit that I make mistakes…a lot of them but the key is to learn from them and move forward with the lessons learned under my belt. Isn’t that what life is all about?
In saying that, in 2012 I decided some changes needed to be made. I started earlier this year by making the committment to lose weight. I started at 240lbs on February 27th and now I am 218.5lbs. I have a long way to go, but in 2.5 more pounds I will have lost 10% of my body weight. I am a third of the way of where I want to end up. I know right, 240lbs….admitting it is the first step! The heaviest I have ever been, ever. I feel that I am at a somewhat plateau in the past week or so – where I am not losing as much as I want to but I am also not working out as much as I should be and I have been using crackers and cheese as a coping mechanism or an unfocused on the end goal mechanism…but I digress. When I was doing Jillian and walking / jogging more the losses felt more substantial. Change, Yes I Can.
Look at U.S. President Barack Obama…Change, Yes We Can was his Presidential campaign which revolved around the idea that Change is possible and in our own hands….this belief and slogan subsequently brought him to the White House. Wow. One person, so much change and defying the odds. I admit with an extremely talented team, he was able to change the minds of millions and prove to everyone that he was the best man for the job and in the end it was their perception of him that made them vote. Surely, I can change one person, especially when that one person is me, the only person that I have control over. Change, Yes I Can and with that change, the perception will change. As we all know, Perception is reality….so why kind of reality do you want?
This is inspiring…it is a few years old, and it says “we” instead of “I”, but the sentiment about change is the same.
I am happy with my progress with losing weight, because that is what it is, progress. I read on WW that I have a choice when I am feeling I am not doing well. I need to look at it as I am at a fork in the road. I either go forward and continue making healthy choices or go off track completely. The longer you keep going off track, the harder it will be to get back to where you were when standing at the fork and reach your ultimate weight goal. I realized that this applies to everything in life. Who knew WW provided life lessons as well? In the past, I get to this point where I almost give up, self sabotage and go back up the road I came from….hence the failure / giving up in the past. I refuse to quit WW. I know it would be so easy to eat everything in sight, especially when I feel sad, angry or frustrated. I need to ask myself, what do I want? To be fat and ugly or healthy and beautiful? Besides, healthy and beautiful comes with so much more….happiness, better clothes, healthier mind, great friends and so on. Fat and ugly comes with sadness, depression, health issues, self loathing, high blood pressure, lack of confidence and frustrating, hurting and losing the people you care about the most. For what? So not worth it. Happiness seems more fun. Change can happen, if you are committed. I have come this far, why stop now?
This brings me to my second point. Sure, I’m making changes in regards to my weight and health….but what about my mind? What about well-being? What about how I treat those closest to me? I am used to using food to use as a coping mechanism and now that is gone. I feel like my mind is a mess. I am constantly worried and feel anxious all the time. About everything. I need to calm down and accept that I can’t change the past and I can’t change people – but I do have the ability to change people’s perception of me based on my actions and how I live my life and most importantly how I treat people. Only at times of extreme emotional pain and or the loss of something near and dear to us is when we usually realize things needs to change. Usually it is too late to do anything different. Sometimes, if you are lucky enough, it isn’t. I can also change things that make me miserable by walking away from them when I know in my heart I want more and deserve so much better. I owe myself that. I truly believe the hardest things to do are the best things for you. Although hard now, it is better off for everyone, most importantly me. I need to stop looking for happiness outside of myself and find it within.
Oprah always says your life speaks to you in whispers and you need to listen to what it is telling you so it doesn’t crash down on you later. I wish I had listened earlier to my whispers, the louder whispers, felt the thump, or the brick. Now I am in the house that has fallen down and can only build from the ground up. I am speaking in metaphors people. Watch this to understand fully what she means…a great lesson for anyone.
So, after learning a really tough and really hard lesson I am in the midst of finding someone to talk to about the why’s and how to change, because after trying for so long – I’ve come to the conclusion I can’t do it alone. You know what? That is ok. Admitting fault, or that you need help isn’t a bad thing. It is somewhat admirable. Admitting you are wrong, or have issues you can’t solve or purely understand on your own or can’t fix – doesn’t mean you are unsuccessful…the fact that you can recognize that something needs to change is what is important even if it is after the house has crashed down. When I look at the amount of times that I have had tried to lose weight, I always gave up doing it alone. I started with Weight Watchers, a great program and I am so far successful and want to continue – even though I have had impure thoughts of Big Mac Daddy more than once a week since I started…I am still here, still trying and working at it and I choose to be successful. I will reach my goal of 175lbs….no matter what. Once I get there, perhaps my goal will go to 155lbs but with help, I am going to succeed…on both fronts because I deserve and want to make the change to live a happy and fulfilled life…not a miserable and lonely one that is why I am putting my words into actions.
Editor’s Note: I found out today that officially I have been selected to be a part of the new documentary series “The Truth Project” on OWN…which I am very excited about…..filming in June so another incredible opportunity to not only share where I have been, where I want to go but inspire others with my truth…the good, the bad and the ugly.
I have a point in this post today, believe it or not. Change is positive. Change is good. The beauty of change is that we are all capable of it. Change? Yes, We Can. If there is anything that you feel you need to change, remember, it is never too late. My advice is listen to the whispers, then the louder whispers and try not to let yourself get the brick and I hope that the house stays standing long enough for you to make the change and find true happiness, because you deserve it just like I do.
Blog Soon, PFF