Ok….so thanks for your messages and words of encouragement peeps 🙂
So they didn’t do a biopsy right then and there, which is a positive sign…I will know in the next week if there is anything else I need to do once my Dr. reviews the results.
Do you know how much of your life passes through your mind when you are laying on a table, exposed? The lights went down low as I lay half naked on the table, out came the gel and the wand – but trust me, nothing magical was happening. Realizing in the longest 35 minutes of my life (yes, 35 minutes spent on one boob) of what I want and don’t want, who I want to be and what I need to change as again, life is so incredibly short. The small stuff doesn’t even matter, unless it is fun small stuff spent with friends or loved ones..then of course that small stuff matters.
As I lay there, I prayed. I don’t know who I prayed to but someone, anyone who would listen. I prayed that I would get through whatever they would tell me. I thought about silly things that I get upset about and wish I hadn’t. I thought about what my breasts mean to me and that I don’t want to take them for granted ever again. I was thankful for how lucky I feel that I am pretty healthy right now and how I shouldn’t take that for granted. I have the ability to walk, run, do what I want when I want. I can lose weight as a 35 year old and it isn’t too late. I have the freedom to make these choices and I sure am grateful for that. What more do I need? 35 minutes is a long time to think of all of what I should be thankful for. Not a word was spoken between the tech and I until she left the room (panic ensued) and came back to apologize for stepping out. I teared up on the table, as privately as I could so the technician wouldn’t notice but after she told me I was finished, I changed and I left.
Yes, tears were shed. It is scary, it really is and I can’t imagine how people feel when they are given a diagnosis that is scarier than just a worry during an pretty routine ultrasound. Specifically, I thought about my mother and how incredibly strong she is to have gone through what she went through, not once but twice and again, like a champion. I could never imagine how awful it was and I have more respect for her now than I already had.
So I will hear from my Dr. in a week so until then I will count my many blessings and continue on my journey here…14lbs about 51 left to go for my goal and I WILL do this.
Blog Soon, PFF