Ok. I admit it. I am a turkey-holic and I need help. At least admitting it is the first step. Oh turkey, how do I love thee…let me count the ways. White meat, gravy, stuffing…cranberry sauce…oooh and mashed potatoes and corn. It is a really, really good thing that it only happens 3 times a year. Today, right now, I am still so stuffed from the turkey I have been consuming since Christmas Day. It needs to stop. Lord knows I have not been out to run / walk so I may have to venture out tomorrow and start that up again.
Damn turkey, what is it about you that tastes so good? You are all I seem to think about before, during and after the holidays. If my birthday wasn’t in the middle of summer, I would probably want turkey dinner to celebrate.
Sure, on a regular day throughout the year I consume a couple of slices as a tease on bread with a slice of havarti cheese – it doesn’t have nearly the same effect as the turkey and stuffing next day between two slices with mayo – but really, what does? Mmm, mmmm, mmmmm!
Today, I have decided I need to put the turkey downnnn. Not only do I feel overly full and completely phat – I may be suffering from turkey overload. That’s when you fall asleep and instead of visions of sugarplums dancing in your head – turkeys are gettin’ down to the beat. Dancing turkeys, Jive turkeys…you don’t know until it happens to you. If it has, then I’m sure you can empathize. Other signs of turkey overload is that you want turkey when you wake up, or you need to rush home to get to your leftover turkey. “Sorry girls, I need to check on something at home”. We all know there is nothing to check on, they see right through it. They know, turkey is a waitin’ and doesn’t stand a chance when I walk through that door! Turkey cold sweats in the night that wake you up and you don’t care where it comes from, hell you don’t even care if its hot all you know is you need it…stat. Stuffing, mashed potatoes, corn? All can be cold out of the fridge with cold gravy on top and you don’t care – as long as you (meaning I)get your (my) fix.
Yes, I woke up this morning and had to put the turkey down. It is a process that seems longer and much more difficult than any other 12 step one. The only cure is to empty my fridge. So later today, after brunch with the girls I will give my left over turkey the goodbye it deserves. It is a sad day. Goodbye Turkey, we will reunite at Easter…
I am sure the greatest thing will be when my ass thanks me as soon as I put my runners on and move it. The same ass that has been planted at one house or another over the past few days. Time to get up and move and shake the turkey-itis off! Yes, I am giving myself a day of rest.
I hope all of you enjoyed your Christmas dinner as much as I did and I truly hope that you can shake the Jive turkey off with much success!