Monthly Archives: July 2010

Goodlife + PP&C + Hot Man Muscles = Happy PFF

Well, well, well.  Who knew the gym could be so much fun!

Yes Phans, you have read correctly, Ms. PFF herself was at the gym this morning at 7am sharp.  Sharp meaning 7:05am but that is still pretty sharp for me given the fact that I have been paying for the gym since January and this is the third time I have actually gone.  The fact that I was able to get out of bed this morning is a miracle – I kept waking up like I used to in High School, thinking I was late for class or an exam, where I usually was late. I am sure you know the whole panic mode – jump out of bed, heart racing, running around trying to get ready for work or school or anything really you need to be at a specific time and you suddenly realize – it is Saturday;  Or what you are late for is actually happening tomorrow, next month or next year.  Anyhow, I woke up at 2:18am thinking I slept in, but went back to sleep.  Then I woke up at 6am, where I shot out of bed when my subconscious realized the sun was up and I should be too.  I couldn’t fall back asleep because my heart was racing so fast so I read some email, updated my Facebook status and wished at that moment that I was Fit already so I didn’t have to go to the gym and I could sleep for one or two more glorious hours.  I could have, but I had a hot date with my most pretty, popular and confident friend I have ever known.  So….I got up, tried to charge my dead Ipod in the three spare minutes I had, you know, because I couldn’t do it the night before and be prepared.  Grabbed a banana, filled my pink (of course) Starbucks water bottle and drove to Liberty Village.  I brought my laptop in the car to charge my Ipod since I ran out of time at home.

There are very many advantages to my trip this morning, here are a few that will make me want to commit:

1.  A very hot and sexy date was waiting for me aka Ms. Pretty, Popular and Confident ready to motivate!!! Thanks Rhonda!!  The reason I went this morning was because of you – you were a tough cookie by not letting me cancel / give up before I even started and I can’t wait until tomorrow!

2. They provide a paid parking card so free 2 hour underground parking everytime I go – which is unheard of and I got a very close spot to the elevator – bonus!

3. Mouth watering, delicious eye candy with muscles I would like to wrap myself in lifting weights effortlessly straight ahead of my treadmill.  Now, I mean I am not one for big muscles but with arms like that I can’t help but be distracted from what I was actually doing – sweating like a pig on a treadmill (not so pretty) at a level 4.5, incline 3 (um just starting again, remember?!) but that made the time go by just a tad quicker combined with the incredible conversation PP&C and I shared.  Did I mention it turns out I know the guy?  I told him on BBM that I was clearly Gym Stalking him this morning and the great thing is, he didn’t seem to mind!! Bonus!

4. Starbucks. Oh, Starbucks.  Could it get any better than a non fat no foam latte after a work out first thing in the morning? I didn’t have to drive to get it, it was right there.  Ms. PP&C treated PPF (Thanks lovely!)  I mean, could it get any better than that?  Reward to working out is feeling great, but to chase that with a Starby’s – couldn’t possibly get better.  Well, it could if I was able to sleep while working out….that would be the best but I got to go home, get ready for work and start my day!

5. Feel great that I got my Phat ass out of bed and did something for me!!!

6. I want to continue to eat better today to reward my body for getting up.

7. Nothing negative came from it, only positive!!! Positive things equal positive attitude in turn should equal a positive chance to be on Oprah’s Farewell Season!

If I could have a friend with me everyday to work out it would seem like a social event as opposed to hard work.  I cannot wait to go back to the gym tomorrow and see the lovely chocolate covered PP&C with some delicious eye candy on top! 

Another “thanks” to Alison & Sarah for offering a walking date (will take you up on that soon Alison!) and tips on how to stay motivated….very much appreciated!!!

Blog Soon,
PFF

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Big Phat Weight Reveal #6

Week 6 Numbers Game:
Weight: 224lbs
Lbs Lost this week: 0
Lbs gained this week: 0
Lbs still needed to lose: At least 50lbs, 10lbs at a time.
Desserts consumed: 0
Starbucks Cookies:  Zero
Peanut Butter by the spoon: Zero – this is a huge step
KM walked:  Zero
Poutine: Zero

So, the weight shows nothing of what I feel I have accomplished this past week…down only 1lb.  I feel bad, again – and yes, I am a little hard on myself but I know that I will keep trying.  It is amazing how much exercise makes it shed really quickly.  Right now I am focused on portion control and trying to eat very healthy.  It has been almost a full week since I have purchased my lunch.  I have made my breakfast before going to work and made dinner when I got home.  I am following Aunt Shelley’s (Jump! Personalized Fitness) meal plan – using it as the reference and it is sooo helpful.  Right now it is a mix of that and Weight Watchers points plan.  The thing I loved about Weight Watchers was that nothing is off-limits, it is all about portion control.  Maybe if I join Weight Watchers again it will give me something else to be accountable to, meeting and speaking with a group every week – other than just writing in my blog.  I love writing, that is for certain, but again, like I mentioned at the last weigh in – I lost 11lbs at last weeks point when I first started this blog and I am failing miserably it seems this time.  For all the good that I have done in the past week, I was really hoping for a miracle.  Slow and steady wins the race, that’s what they say anyway so I really need to get my Phat ass in gear and head to the gym.  Each time I promise myself I will go, I don’t – so I am not sure about the motivation for that I need.  A gym buddy perhaps? I liked the walking, but it gets boring going alone – and there are only so many times you can listen to the same things – although Chris Rock is quite entertaining he needs to come out with another special.

I will put it out there once again, my goal this week is to go for my walk at least twice.  Yes, the Mount Pleasant Mountain walk needs to be done two times this week at least.  Anyone wanna join me?  Please?  I want to feel good again and I know how great my body feels when I am doing it but I can’t seem to push myself.  Perhaps one of you can help??  Join me if you dare, and please forgive my heavy breathing and sweating as we go up Mount Pleasant – I know it will be tough the first few times, I just need to get into a routine!!

How do you motivate yourself to workout?  Is it based on how great you feel once you are doing it?  Do you thrive on the weight loss or building strength?  Any tips on how you get through, what motivates you – maybe it can help me?  I know how good the burn feels.  The way it feels after you have pushed your body to breaking point, the pride you feel….I used to love that.  When I followed Make the Connection – with Oprah and Bob Greene – I remember it used to say Exercise at a level 9 or 10 – and I used to push and push myself and one of my guilty pleasures was touching the sweat on my lower back and feeling how much sweat my shirt would have – I used to love that!  Sounds weird, I know….but whatever gets you through, right?  Make the connection was soooo good – I loved that and I was really successful with that! 28lbs in 3 months and I weighed 168lbs – the lowest of my adult life.  I would love to be at that point again.  Hopefully when I get there, I wont hate what I see in the mirror and still consider myself Phat!

Isn’t that funny?  I am surely not the only one that looks at old pictures and thinks “I can’t believe I thought I was fat” at that point – you can literally go back into your mind and remember beating yourself up and you actually look fantastic and would give anything to be that former self.  Boy do I know that feeling.  I keep having visions of stepping out of my Phat suit.  I can literally see my skinnier self and you would think that would be a strong enough motivation.  I can see myself and work it;  I can see people’s reactions and hear their acceptance.  I can hear their compliments.  On a follow-up show on Oprah, this woman had lost over a 150lbs which she kept off for 10 years.  When they followed up on her she had gained the weight back, then lost another 100lbs and still has 60lbs she wants to lose.  She mentioned what helped motivate her was the constant attention and that replaced her need/addiction to food.  After she reached her ultimate goal, and the attention wore off she found herself filling herself up on food again, not the attention.  She too read Women, Food and God and that helped her lose over 100lbs for the second time.  Wowsa.  It sure does take a lot of willpower and strength and you seriously do have to rewire your brain how you view food….for me anyway.  She knows she wont gain again – why isn’t Geneen Roth helping me?!?!?!  I need to keep on reading!!

Let me know if you would like to join me this week for a walk – 13km isn’t too bad and I love once I get to a certain point I will love it – I just need some exercise start-up assistance!

Blog Soon,

PFF

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Big Phat Weight Reveal #5 – plus some

Week 5 Numbers Game:
Weight: 225lbs
Lbs Lost this week: 0
Lbs gained this week: 2
Lbs still needed to lose: too many to count at this moment
Desserts consumed: 1
Starbucks Cookies:  Zero
Peanut Butter by the spoon: 1
KM walked:  Zero
Poutine: Zero

I know, I know.  It isn’t working people.  Last time on Weight Reveal #5, back in September 2009 I had lost 11lbs at this time.  I have only lost 2lbs.  Age? Metabolism? Laziness?  Ding! Ding! Ding!  Holy crap I suck.  Women, Food and God is not motivating me, I can barely get through it….neither is how shitty I feel every morning and every night I fail to follow through on every good choice I know I should be making.  Over the weekend I went off course due to emotions – and I just ate.  I had pizza at Dimmi on Friday night and Sunday I had Eggs Benedict at Moroco Chocolat – which were both fantastic and impossible to resist…..but in order to reward myself with these types of meals – I need to be exercising regularly which I haven’t been.  So I am 9lbs behind of where I should be at, which means that much longer to reach my goal.  Soooooo utterly frustrating and I only have myself and my lazy phat ass to blame.  The exact reason why I got myself into this mess and began this blog in the first place, and second place (since I started on WordPress).  I really want to do well but I feel so unmotivated.  I did buy a cute pair of work out capris so I can look forward to wearing those and going for a walk or to the gym if and when I get off my ass and go.  I like saying ass, a lot – can you tell?

On a side note, you know, other than beating myself up again for being so irresponsible and lazy I saw an article yesterday that screamed to me.  It was about a woman who is working towards being the heaviest woman in the world.  She is eating approximately 12,000 calories per day in order to reach her goal (apparently 2000 a day for women is normal according to the Daily Mail).  Not sure if you believe me?  She holds the world record for being the heaviest woman to ever give birth (30 doctors were required for the birth of her second child).  My dear friends who are concerned about losing the last 5lbs of baby weight…..you have NOTHING to concern yourselves with!   I will give you the breakdown…

This woman wants to gain weight to reach her goal of 1000 lbs

Her name is Donna Simpson, she is 42 years old, weighs 602lbs and she wants to reach her personal goal of weighing 1000lbs within two years.  Her favourite foods include doughnuts, McDonalds and sweets.  I noticed in the picture above that she is surrounded by fries, burgers, pizza and Diet Orange Crush to wash it all down.  If she wants this goal as much as she claims – then why not go for the Regular Orange Crush?  Maybe she feels like a failure like me, where she is purposely sabotaging herself so she doesn’t reach her goal?  “I’m going to drink diet soda so I can only gain 9 lbs today, not 10lbs” is perhaps what goes through her head.  This woman has a website where men pay to watch her eat fast food (Editor’s Note: would that be considered food porn?  I thought Big Mac’s dancing in my head was food porn, and only I looked at it that way, but alright) and uses the funds from that site to support her $750 a week junk food habit.  I am guessing it is like a weird fetish or like a car accident, you can’t help but look.  Maybe I should look into that option.  Men will pay me to eat junk food at home.  Who are these men and where can I sign up?  What gets me is that she has a long-term partner, who met her on a plus-sized dating site (Queen PFF signed up for one of those and promptly removed it!) and he weighs a mere 150lbs.  Apparently, he is a self-proclaimed “fat admirer” (who knew such a thing existed?) and “Belly Man” and he fully supports her in her quest.  She also believes he would like it if she was heavier.  I really don’t know what to say.  I guess I could say everyone deserves to find love.  I remember on Jerry Springer, years ago and not the best reference – but there was a woman who couldn’t leave her house because of her size so they broke the exterior wall and brought her out on a fork lift.  I don’t remember how or why she got so heavy what I do remember mostly the man she was with was approximately 110lbs soaking wet.  Talk about a slightly odd couple.  I am not sure of how it works, but I can’t ever imagine being truly happy when you are choosing to be immobile.

She claims she is healthy.  Really?  From the outside, we all can see that she isn’t healthy,  plus she can’t walk more than 20 feet without losing her breath and having to sit down.  She uses a mobility scooter to get around.  How is that healthy?  How is any of it healthy?  I am not sure if she is eating her issues because she is sad inside and doesn’t realize it but she claims she feels like she is who she is meant to be.  She is happier when she gains weight.  All the power to her if that is what she wants but in my humble opinion, I believe it may just be about attention.  Like any bad press is good press, any attention for an attention-seeker is good attention.  Here I am, giving her what she wants.  I believe who suffers the most in this are of course her children.  It is so unfair to them and a clear form of emotional abuse.  Not only is it an embarrassment to your daughter (and your un-pictured son from a previous marriage), but what type of life are you providing for them?  What if they need you to pick them up when they fall?  I think it is extremely selfish and not to mention a completely ridiculous goal to be 1000lbs.  Rather than focusing on her child, she is focusing on the fact that she is out of control, extremely morbidly obese or fat (not in a cute phun way) and is trying to become the heaviest woman in the world.   It is sad no matter how you look at it but it enrages me that her children are being damaged amongst her quarter pounders (pardon the pun) and fries.  Clearly, I have my own issues with my weight and believe me, I am not making fun of this extremely sad situation.  Nor do I believe I am better than her.  We clearly both have issues, but I am not bringing children into mine.  I feel very badly for the children and I think if she keeps going, they wont even have a mother if she keeps it up.  I don’t think I will ever understand.  I am sorry if it seems like I am ranting and raving, but seriously?  The last thing the article quotes her stating “I love eating and people love watching me eat.  It makes people happy, and I’m not harming anyone.”  The truth is Donna, you are not only hurting people like your daughter, but you are hurting your poor heart, your legs, your arms, your feet , your arteries, your entire body.  I am not one to talk, I make poor food choices all the time although I am trying to change.  Every single day it is a struggle.  Can you tell this article really, really got to me?

Read the article and see more pictures here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1257850/Super-sized-mother-determined-worlds-fattest-woman-years.html#ixzz0uFSnUbXe

Let me ask you:

1. Why do you think she wants to purposely gain weight to reach 1000lbs and become the heaviest woman in the world?   Do you think that this is a deeper issue? If so, why do you think she is doing this? Is it the same reason I / we want to lose weight?

2. Would you pay to watch her eat?  Do you know why some people do?  Car wreck or turn on?

3. Do you feel her children (especially her daughter) are suffering?  If so/not, please tell me why.

I am very curious to hear your thoughts on this.  On a side note, I have made great decisions for two days, if I keep going the scale will hopefully reflect that on Monday – a minor slip with 3 oreo cookies last night, but we can overlook that, right? 

Blog Soon,

PFF

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Big Phat Weight Reveal #4

Week 4 Numbers Game:
Weight: 223lbs
Lbs Lost this week: 0
Lbs gained this week: 0
Lbs still needed to lose: A lot.
Desserts consumed: 1
Starbucks Cookies:  Zero
Peanut Butter by the spoon: 2 teaspoon
KM walked: Zero – Another week no walking / running what is wrong with me?
Poutine: Zero

This week, I ate ok – but didn’t do as well as I could have when the weekend arrived.  I am a bit disappointed in myself to be honest, which makes me want to eat more and really, really badly.  I babysat this weekend at a house by the lake and I don’t know what it is about being with kids or being away – but I was BAD.  Are you ready?  Big Mac combo, some Smartfood, Pizza for dinner with a couple of glasses of wine, McDonald’s breakfast sandwich and then had a lovely, healthy lunch at a get together yesterday.  Yes, you read correctly – McDonald’s twice in a weekend.  I don’t wonder why I didn’t lose any weight for the weight reveal but I am happy that I didn’t gain the 4lbs I have lost now that I have started again.

Why is this so fricken hard?  Do I not want this badly enough?  I wouldn’t continually humiliate myself if I didn’t, right?  I keep self-sabotaging it seems.  I am embarrassed, yet again.  I have the tools at my disposal, I have the book Woman, Food & God, I have the energy, clearly I am lacking in self-control which is a major component of reaching my goal, correct?  I have however taken back control today, and plan to keep in control for the remainder of the week.  I am following what my Aunt Shelley (Jump! Personalized Fitness – check out her page on Facebook) gave me.

I need to start exercising because that will only accelerate the process.  I know this.  I do.  I am the only one holding myself back.  They were talking about Women, Food & God on Oprah today and there was one girl who entered a beauty pageant when she was 220lbs in order to lose weight and has successfully lost 70lbs.  She looked gorgeous.  She shared that she is scared that she will regain the weight once the pageant is over.  Terrified.  Scared because she doesn’t trust herself around food.  I understand that.  I don’t trust myself either.  The book is suppose to help with that.  I will continue reading, but even when I have nothing in my cupboards, I can still find something or will convince myself why it is ok to eat at that moment because of the way I feel or due to boredom.  The only thing I thought is what is my pageant?  You would think feeling like crap everyday, or loathing my body, my stomach or my ass would be enough…but no no no! 

I am starting again today and will continue for the remainder of the week – one day at a time.  Feel free to comment with any tips that curb you from eating, from your cravings – I can use all the help I can get!

Blog Soon,

PFF

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My Love Letter to Oprah – in 6427 characters.

Ok, so this post has nothing to do with weight loss, my journey or the fact that I would kill someone right now for a Big Mac combo at McDonald’s with an Orange Drink (which they discontinued in Canada – RIDICULOUS).  Since there is only one season left (Season 25) of one of the best shows on television, this is going to be all about my love and adoration for the one and only, Oprah Winfrey.  Some of you may find this weird, but I feel the need to share because for once,  Oprah could be watching ME.       

My Favourite Picture of Oprah of all Time!

Let’s start from the beginning.  I started watching Oprah when I was very young, when I was about 12 years old in Grade 7.  The year was 1989 and I was mesmerized with the countless stories on adopted folks like me finding their “real family” on her show.  Certainly not people my age at the time, but people who yearned for the same sense of belonging and peace that I had hoped for myself.  As I watched the magical reunions, I secretly hoped (I was too embarrassed to tell anyone I was adopted back then) that one day I would be on the show and she would find my birth family and they would see how great I really was.  They would hug me, kiss me, tell me how pretty they thought I was and that they regretted giving me away.  Without telling a soul, I wrote my first of many letters to Oprah back in 1992, asking that she help me find my family.  It was amazing to me how much emotion came from writing those letters, but I was too terrified to send them because I thought a. What are the chances?  and b. Was I really ready to do that?  Besides, how would my letter stand out from the thousands that she received on a daily basis?  I decided to keep them to myself, and not send them as a result of fear of the unknown.  I continued to write letters to Oprah at different times in my life.  When I was kicked out of my house at 18, I wrote a letter to Oprah.  When I was following her “Make the Connection” plan and lost 30lbs in 2006, I wrote a letter to Oprah.  When I got into College, I wrote a letter to Oprah.  When I saw a girl on the show who was supporting herself (like me), going to college (like me), doing it all on her own with the odds stacked against her (like me) – I wrote a letter to Oprah.  Are you sensing the pattern? After seeing Good Will Hunting (the best movie of all time) in 1997, which left me speechless for hours by the way –  I wrote a letter to Oprah, to thank Ben Affleck and Matt Damon for writing such a lovely, touching and moving portrayal of what seemed to be the only thing I had ever seen that I could truly identify with (minus the whole genius thing – math has never been my strong suit).  This most magnificent movie/screenplay gave me a very strong message, that the situation I was in actually may not really be my fault.  That the years of emotional turmoil, mind games and physical abuse were not necessarily all my fault.  What a relevation!  I had to share this with the woman I looked up to most, Oprah.  Again, all of these letters, I was too afraid to send.  Afraid for what, who knows, but afraid nonetheless.  Below is one of my favourite scenes from the best movie of all time, which rendered me literally speechless – probably the first and only time that will ever happen.  Grab some kleenex or do yourself a favour and watch the whole movie if you haven’t seen it, it is incredible.         

         

More recently, with the wonders of the technology particularly the internet – I have been able to write letters to her show that reach her in seconds.  There is a section on her website titled “Be On The Show” and I have written and actually sent many letters expressing my love, adoration and sincerest gratitude for the Fabulous “O” and the impact she has had on my life.  I have explained my trials and tribulations, my successes, dreams of meeting her, being on the show to see her in person, heartaches, passions, the most important moments in my life and of course those who have helped me become who I am, including her.  The one problem I have found, is that I am limited to only 2000 characters (not words) per entry.  If you are a regular reader of this blog (thank you!) then you probably have realized that I am a little wordy so once I have written the letter I end up having to edit it to make it fit which ends up minimizing the passion and emotion expressed in the original.  I figured, why not write the full version here and post it on her Facebook page and hope that this blog entry grabs her attention and that she finally can understand and hear what she means to me.   I have tried to get tickets to the show, I have tried to be on the show, I even tried to get on her Friday’s Live show in NYC with Mariah Carey by sharing my passion for both of them and what it would mean to me to no avail.  I have let her know I am not looking to meet any celebrity (other than her I guess), I am not asking for a role in a movie, I am not asking for her to pay my bills or buy me a house.  The one thing I have asked for was pretty simple, and I live vicariously through those who get what I hope for and it sometimes brings me to tears (on those emotional days).  The most recent letter I sent was for the “Ultimate O Viewer” where I tried to explain in less than 2000 characters why I deserve the title of The Ultimate Viewer.  I know the Fabulous “O” has many faithful and adoring viewers across the world I just wish I could say the right words that stand out and give me the opportunity to live my Ultimate dream.  There was one time I received a response from the show because they noticed I was a viewer from outside the US and wanted some feedback about my country, and of course, I happily obliged.    

With the final season upon us, it is almost like a last chance to make this dream come true so here is my Love Letter to Oprah in way more than 2000 characters and if you feel the need to read it, comment and or show support, please do – I will try sending the link to this blog entry to her Facebook & Twitter page today and hope again that before the end of her final season, my dream of thanking her in person becomes a reality!    

Dear Oprah,   

For as long as I can remember you have been an integral part of my life.  It may sound funny, since you have no idea of who I am, where I am from or what I represent.  You should know that you have had an incredible impact on my life and I feel it necessary to share my gratitude and tell you why.  For the past 20 years, I have been a dedicated and loyal viewer where I have learned much of what I know today, from you.  Everyday, I have referred to you in my own mind as a mother figure.  You have given me hope, courage, strength and determination to “know better and to do better”.  You have taught me to love myself, believe in myself and frankly, you were what I needed when everything felt like it was crumbling and falling apart around me.  In dark times, you provided me the ability to find my inner strength, you gave me someone I could  look up to and helped me believe that anything was possible.  You helped me keep going, even when I felt there was nothing left in me to give. 

To say I have had a tough life, is an understatement.  When I look back at my not so wonderful past, I am proud of the determination and strength it has taken to get to where I am today.  I am amazed at myself at such a young age I was able to overcome many obstacles along the way including emotional and physical abuse.  I have written you many letters through the years and many of those remain unsent.  Letters asking for your help to find my birth family, letters to let you know that I was kicked out of my home and on my own not sure of what to do; Letters letting you know that I chose hard work over welfare to graduate high school and that I was accepted into college and then graduated – all on my own.  Letters sharing with you how the people in my life who surrounded me and carried me forward like angels, literally saved my life.  Letters letting you know I found my birth mother, then my birth father, that I found my half-sister and finally felt that the emptiness  inside (which I never truly understood) was gone.  Letting you know that my questions about who I was, what I was meant for and where I was going were answered.  I wrote to you after watching Good Will Hunting because I wanted to let Ben Affleck and Matt Damon know that the brilliant screenplay they wrote helped me heal like nothing else ever had nor has,  still to this day.  

More recently, I have written to your show online via the “Be On The Show” section for a few reasons but I never seem to get the words just right.  With the 2000 character maximum it is challenging for someone as wordy as me, but again with my determination here I am again.  How can I honestly put how I feel and what you have done for me in less?  These more recent letters are requesting the chance to thank you in person.  To let you know that for years, even now, it brings me to tears (okay, I am sobbing) imagining coming to your show, telling you my story and having you hug me so I can finally feel emancipated from my past.  The Emancipation of FiFi perhaps.  You have said on your show many, many times through the years that you need to forgive to free yourself  from the pain in order to move forward but that just isn’t working for me.  I truly believe that in my heart, hugging you would make me feel that everything that has happened is done and that I can finally move on and that it will all be ok.  This may sound ridiculously sad to you, but I am speaking from my heart and showing immense vulnerability by posting this on my Phat to Fit to Fabulous (my journey to win my battle with weight) blog for many to read – but it is worth it if all of the challenges from my past lead me to actually making my half-life long dream of meeting you come true.  

I missed you in September here at the Toronto International Film Festival when Precious was screened – the closest I would have ever come to you and Mariah Carey at the same time and it saddened me greatly as I was in Montreal.  I entered to win tickets to attend the  Friday Live show with Mariah in Central Park the following week, but again, my words didn’t come out right and perhaps it just wasn’t my time.  I also wrote to you a few weeks ago to become the “Ultimate O Viewer”.  I am reminded of you when it came to your role of Sofia in the movie The Colour Purple.  Up until that time, you had wanted nothing more than that role, it was utterly the most important thing in your life up to that point.  I remember you telling your viewers, at the very moment you decided to “Let Go and Let God”, the phone rang and it was Steven Spielberg making your dream come true.  The opportunity to be on your show is my role of Sofia and I honestly feel it would change my life.  Now, I am going to try my best to “Let Go and Let God” as we are upon your final season, and maybe now, after all these years, it will become reality.  

There was an episode of your show years ago where a woman named Joni Jacques was lucky enough to purchase a pair of your shoes at a charity auction.  Although they were a bit too big for her, whenever she was feeling sad or lonely, she said she would take them out and stand in them so she could feel what it was like to “stand in your shoes”.  This gave her hope and comfort.  Her story brought tears to your eyes and of course mine too, even now as I think of it.  Oprah, that is the effect you have on your audience: you are a beacon of hope and embodiment of what is possible.  You are the epitome of what hard work and determination leads to.  You are a self-made woman and I respect all that you have done for yourself and of course the way you continue to give back.  What I hope for is to know what it feels like to look you in the eye and tell you with as much warmth and sincerity, with thanks to you, I am still standing.  I am here.  I am strong.  You have helped me become the woman I am today and I long to show my utmost gratitude for helping me continue to survive.  

If I do not get the chance to tell you in person, please know from the bottom of my heart, I love you Oprah.  You are an incredible woman who has raised me, inspired me, taught me and helped me more than you can imagine.  If I can be so bold to speak for all of your viewers, fans and other “daughters”, THANK YOU for everything you have done for us and we look forward to your next chapter. 

Here’s hoping these words are the right ones. 

With everlasting gratitude, 

Fiona Eadie

 

Blog Soon,

PFF

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Confessions of a “Drama Queen”

Editor’s Note: Grab a coffee, cocktail , crumpet or have someone serve it to you on a silver platter to get you in the mood – this one is a lonnngggg one…..enjoy!  

Queen and Corgi, a staple in my childhood home

People across Canada are celebrating the visit of Queen Elizabeth II this week.  I started thinking, why can’t I be Queen?  I am serious.  Ok, clearly I can’t take the place of the Queen Elizabeth II, nor do I want to because of my serious crush on Prince William and Prince Harry as it would be an issue – Hello Mrs. Robinson oh and the fact I would be related which is simply disgusting, but as usual I digress.  Why can’t I be a Queen?  I started doing some research on the “Royal” bloodline and tried to figure out who decided they were Royal back in the day and to be honest I got bored pretty quickly.  To some Royal history buffs, I may sound ridiculous posing this question – but really?  Back then, what set these people apart from the rest of us?  Clearly they had money, but to be considered “Royal” – it is a bit arrogant in my opinion and completely old school, don’t you think?  We all started off the same way, survival of the fittest I guess and who had the most bankroll is what hooked this woman up with her role today, Queen “Fricken” Elizabeth – maybe it is because her ancestors had the best diamonds, ruby’s and emeralds in the land – she does seem to have quite the collection.  She also wears a mean crown boy, she actually rocks that shit.  Don’t even approach her with a Tiara – those are for amateur princesses who aren’t woman enough to carry a crown.  Queen E (as I like to call her cause we hold it down) is hardcore and takes her Royal duties seriously.  For real.  I grew up in a Scottish home, who were extremely proud of the Royal family, so much so we had the same kind of dogs the Queen had (Pembroke Welsh Corgi’s), and even pictures of this woman in the house hung up in various areas to admire.  Perhaps we were admiring her strength, her wealth or her huge ass house perhaps?  When I was in Grade 5 I went on my one and only family trip to England and Scotland, and I remember driving by Buckingham Palace – it was craziness imagining living in a palace like that.   

Anyway, why wouldn’t I want to be Queen?  Women declare everywhere that they are a “Princess”, even though they don’t have any royal bloodline proving so and for a very low price (approximately $1) they too can be a princess anytime they want and let everyone know by wearing a plastic silvery tiara that has been bedazzled (please don’t confuse with Vajazzled) that intensify the strength of  “I am a Princess”.  Who needs a Royal Salute or horns, horses with feathers in their mane etc. when you can wear plastic and get the same message across?  Ok, so  I really don’t have  a lot of experience being “Royal” but I could learn and get used to the lavish lifestyle.  She seems to always have a fun party dress, she is ICED to the maximum, has a prince always in tow and people everywhere love her (minus the late Lady Di – Editor’s Note – Lady Diana and I shared the same birthday, coincidence, I think not…) and there is even a song for her called “God Save the Queen” – I could live like that.  She is almost the equivalent to Paris Hilton, minus the time in the slammer and sex tape.  Queen Fiona, has a nice ring to it I think.  Can I also mention that the corner I live at is Queen and Broadview?  All too many positive signs point to this name change.  

The Beautiful Self-Proclaimed Queen, Queen Latifah

Look at Queen Latifah.  Prime example, she took the bull by the horns and is way ahead of me.  Her real name is Dana Elaine Owens, but decided one day that she wanted to be a Queen – so she made it happen.  Queen started out as a rapper (which is something I have considered for myself as a career option – have you noticed there is not one successful caucasian female rap artist?) and has become a beloved motion picture actress, author, jazz singer and tv star.  She has been nominated for numerous awards, including an Academy Award for her role in Chicago, and has won numerous awards including several Grammy’s.  Does her success have anything to do with the fact that she named herself Queen?  A self-fulfilling prophecy perhaps – I have also noticed that she has spoken about herself  in the third person – perhaps it is something else that I will have to integrate into this journey.  Queen Fiona loves peanut butter.  Queen Fiona didn’t like exercising today.  Queen Fiona has lost 60lbs and is the happiest she has ever been.  Sounds good to me.  

The Other Kind of Queen….  

The Other Kind of Queen

Ok.  I admit it.  Let’s get real.  I can seem dramatic at times.  My reactions to things aren’t always the best or fully thought out.  I am quite emotional, sensitive and have been told many times that I take things the wrong way which in turn puts people on the defensive.  How do I change this?  I don’t want people to feel that way about me or around me.  I want to be normal, fun-loving and not take things to heart or too seriously.  I wish I was that girl, the fun one, the ultra relaxed one who goes with the flow with everything and doesn’t let anything anyone else does, effect her.  Yes, I am sensitive, yes I am sometimes difficult to understand but what I do know is that my heart is always in the right place.  

To be honest, my dramatic flair is part of my personality and it is not something I can just shut off but after reading up on what the other kind of Queen – the quintessential Drama Queen actually is, I realize I need to curb my emotions and try to take people, what they say not so personally and just keep calm and carry on or eat a low-fat cupcake.   Maybe I should rethink this whole Queen Fiona thing?  That seems a bit dramatic.   

According to some random site online, a Drama Queen is described as follows:  

“A drama queen is notoriously self-centered and self-absorbed, often viewing friends and relatives as lesser beings assigned to take care of her personal needs. A drama queen’s worst enemy is solitude, so she tends to be very outgoing and sociable, although many of her friendships tend to remain at surface level. Others who have experienced the drama queen’s sudden outbursts in the past may have a feeling of walking on egg shells around her, not wanting to be the person who delivers upsetting news or offends the drama queen in any way.”  

“A drama queen could also be described as a diva, a neurotic and self-centered perfectionist prone to sudden demands and outbursts. However, a diva is also usually considered to be exceptionally talented (Mariah Carey), which is not always the case with a drama queen. A drama queen may be jealous or envious of others, which could make any personal failings even more painful and trigger another round of emotional outbursts or irrational thoughts of revenge. In a drama queen’s world, people can be either with her or against her; there are no stages in between.”  

It is very embarrassing, but reading this description, I do see some parallels between myself and the noted “Drama Queen”.  I am neurotic, a tad self-centred, very outgoing and sociable.  Let’s not forget the whole Dramatic flair.   But I promise, that is where it stops.  I certainly do not view my friends and relatives as “lesser beings”, quite the opposite actually.  I tend to put those around me on a pedestal even at times when it may not be deserved.  I am a people pleaser.  I do things for others that many wouldn’t even consider to ensure their happiness, regardless of my own feelings towards something.  At all times I try to accommodate people where I can.  I am not jealous or envious of others – perhaps of certain body types, but what woman doesn’t wish she had a smaller waist, perfect breasts and would love to be compared to Gisele? The truth is, yes, I can be Dramatic, but again, my heart is ALWAYS in the right place.  I never would intentionally hurt anyone on purpose.  I need to work on stopping the Drama.  My friends are extremely patient, but I am sure it can be difficult sometimes – so my apologies to those I effect in a not so positive way – I am working on it, I promise.  

If I was to pronounce myself Queen Fiona, I would rather be the Royal kind, seems more fun and easy for others to deal with.  I would throw fundraising cotillions, wear diamonds at all times and have breakfast and Starbucks served to me in bed each and every morning by half-naked Taylor Lautner triplets.  I would work with Charities, make the world a better place and ensure my picture ended up on our currency.  

When I make myself Queen, that is the first thing I would make happen.  What about you? What is the first thing you would make happen if you became Queen?  

Blog Soon,  

Queen PFF  

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Big Phat Weight Reveal #3

Two weeks in….this is positive.  I had every good intention of going on 3 walks this week – but I failed at that miserably.  I enjoyed my four day weekend – it was fabulous and besides, it was my birthday so I deserve a bit of a break – yes, I know, I have been on a break for months – hence the 27lb weight gain.  Although I didn’t do the exercise, I did behave for the most part on the eating side – see the results below…

Here are some numbers:

Week 3 Numbers Game:
Weight: 223lbs
Lbs Lost this week: 2
Lbs gained this week: 0
Lbs still needed to lose: too many to count right now…
Desserts consumed: It was my birthday, so my favourite cupcakes in the world Peanut Butter and Chocolate were consumed shoutout to www.thecupcakeryto.com , along with a magnificent dessert that included light whipped cream, light chocolate pudding and sprinkles of Skor – Heaven in a dish it should be called…phenomenal.
Starbucks Cookies:  Zero
Peanut Butter by the spoon: 1 teaspoon
KM walked: Zero – ran out of time!! Boo me but I still lost, which is positive.
Gym Dates: Zero
Booty Camp Classes: Zero
Glasses of Shiraz: One / plus several drinks the night of my birthday 🙂
Poutine: Zero

Best Cupcakes in the City, The Cupcakery, Toronto

Some other great news, my Aunt has put together a personalized food and exercise regime which will make it so much easier to follow and stick to…and thankfully, she included Starbucks 🙂  That makes me very happy.  Although it is only 4lbs, I feel better already – it is amazing what weight can do (or lack there of).  With the new plan I received today, I am hoping it will help me focus and lose at a consistent rate in the most proper way.

It does make it easier in the summer (especially during this heat) to watch what you eat, because I find myself craving fresh fruit, water and I really don’t find myself all that hungry – who really wants to stuff their face when it is 34 degrees outside?  Lord knows not me….

Blog soon,

PFF

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